The Text, Part 1

“We are the middle children of history. Born too late to explore the world, born to early to explore the galaxy.”
-Anonymous

“Born just in time to browse dank memes.”
-Anonymous

1 Fantastic news for everyone born after 1988: salvation has a cut-off date. I’d like to be the first to announce that instead of 2015, we have entered Year Zero. It’s not just a new year. It’s a new century, a new system, and a new religion. Everything that’s happened before this year is meaningless.

2 Other people, older people, were responsible for all that bullshit. They didn’t understand what they were doing to the world—and more importantly, to us—and when they finally do us all a favor and die, so too will die their bullshit. Infallible as we are, it should not be too much of an issue to free ourselves from their example.

3 We are the Millenials. This is Millenialism. Our God is the almighty Self, and his/her/zir first decree is that all criticism is blasphemy. To perform an act of criticism against another Millenial (but go nuts with everyone else) is to commit the most heinous of sins: the sin of hating. For the Self is all of us, and it is me, and it is you, and to imply that the Self is anything less than perfect is an act against all Millenialkind and is totally not okay. Again, though, go nuts with the pre-Millenials. All of this shit is their fault anyway.

4 I come to you as the anonymous prophet of this new one true path to give you grave news: we face now terrible persecution, and have since before the start. They call us lazy, superficial, and Self-absorbed. Foolish as they are, they honor us with that last intended insult: to be Self-absorbed is to be closer to God.

5We shall combat this persecution, and we shall do so with the weapon that brought the Boston Bomber to justice and has always kept the third wave feminist movement from embarrassing itself: Social Media.

6 Social Media is the holiest of media. It is where the Self exists in its purest form, free to take the shape it chooses, not the one it has been saddled with in the physical world. Only through the use of Social Media can we be who we were meant to be before meeting the burning gaze of criticism from those who are not us. Only through the use of Social Media can we finally be immune to criticism.

7That is what the Self wants you to be: imperturbable. Able to see criticism—especially the variety so deceptively referred to as “constructive”—for the lie that it is. For that is all it is: the notion that you, and in turn the Self, are not perfect.

8 The unfortunate truth is that all people, even us chosen Millenials, are both perpetrators and victims of the sin that is criticism. We judge, and we face judgment, and it lessens us all, even though we are all perfect and cannot be lessened. To do so would be totally not okay. To think of oneSelf as anything less than what they are: an infallible vessel of the God who is the Self. This is the tragedy that the twin evils of Old Media and “Conventional” Wisdom have visited upon us.

9 But take heart: there can be found salvation from the world that would drag you down to its level with its insistences that you are “just a human.” The path to this salvation may seem perilous at times, but the destination is worth the journey. So come with me on this journey that you might discover the infallibility that has always lived inside of you, and that you might learn how to protect this precious gift that you have been given. You owe it to your Self.

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