The Team

Antimonkey is a web humor outlet. Simple, no? We used to go by “Monkeys With Typewriters,” until Blind Monkey realized that the name was taken by ten or so other websites. Our stars are:

Blind Monkey

Horace sober, Juvenal drunk.

Role: Founder, Head Writer, Amateur Cardiologist

Bio: Blind Monkey is a part-time satirist and full time megalomaniac. He writes essays, fiction, and pornographic bathroom graffiti. He studied “liking books” at Princeton, and now studies “writing books” at Columbia.

Required Reading: Blind Monkey Learns About Jesus, Darkclaw vs Modern Art,

Contact: Twitter E-mail

Mute Monkey

Lived up to his full potential yesterday.

Role: Writer, Bad Influence, Future Watchlist Star

Bio: The second writer to join the team, Mute Monkey is an expert at pretending to be an expert. A survivor of Purchase College’s Department of Literature, where he studied the skills essential to his future purge of half the media.

Required Reading: Abandon Ship, At The Movies: Captain America – The Winter Soldier, Mute Monkey Mission Statement 2014

Contact: Nope.

Deaf Monkey


Role: Audio Engineer, Writer, Herald of the Old Ones

Bio: Deaf Monkey turns the incomprehensible series of screams and demonic laughter sent to him by Blind Monkey into semi-coherent content. He also writes an article about once a year. Twice in the year of the rabbit.

Required Reading:Deaf Monkey Mission Statement 2013,The Horror, The Horror: A Cursory Glance at the Pratfalls of Modern Horror Video Games

Contact: Smoke signals.


Burn the old layout. Shoot the designer. Leave nothing behind.

Role: Designer, Sandwich Critic

Bio: Ape’s critical eye pushed Antimonkey out of the early nineties’ web design standards, and the early nineteenth century’s branding conventions. He can also use the word “branding” without sounding like an idiot.

Contact: Break the 7th seal on the eve of all saints day.

1 Comment

  1. I’m a freshman at Princeton. Just discovered this. It’s awesome. But where are people like this at Princeton? It’s like I’m in some kind of apocalypse movie, where you never totally see the other bands of survivors but you know they’re out there from signs they leave along the route. Except instead of survivors, I’m looking for video game fans/comic book geeks. I’m fucking Will Smith right now. Here’s my first radio broadcast.

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